UNITED STATES
Many years ago, in an innocent time known as the “mid-2000s,” a girl came into our lives afflicted with an illness that seemed too annoying to survive. Her name was “Hiccup Girl,” or Jennifer Mee, and she had a case of the hiccups that would not go away. 3 weeks of non-stop hiccups earned her a non-stop round trip ticket to The Today Show, where she joined Meredith Viera and Matt Lauer on the famed couch to discuss her affliction.
And now, the inevitable has happened….
Yes, this raving hic’ster who was clearly battling some mental as well as physical issues has been arrested and accused with first-degree murder. Authorities claim Jennifer lured 22 year old Shannon Griffith to a home, where he was robbed and then gunned down.
This story is brutal and horrible and she should be put in jail for life. But can we just say that we’re not really surprised? I mean, what else do you really expect to happen to a girl who hit her peak at 16 for having the hiccups? All the glitz, glamour of having a horrible illness snatched away from you in a matter of weeks… it can’t be easy. Look at how some of our most beloved child stars have turned out, and those people actually had some talent at one point in their lives! This girl’s main talent was a super unreliable diaphragm and/or a really convincing fake hiccup. And, apparently, shooting and robbing people. What can someone do with a resume like that? Work in a law firm? No. They can shoot and rob someone. And, judging by her mugshot, she’s probably also really good at meth.
So take this as a warning, parents: If your child has some horrible disease, no matter how “Ripley’s Believe It or Not” it may be, whatever you do, do not introduce that child to Matt Lauer. And may Hiccup Girl spend the rest of her days in horrible, writhing pain behind bars.
(bestweekever)
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